No, I have never been a great fan of MJ. In fact I have not even been a fan. To me his has always been a name of a King, the ‘King of the Formidables’; a ruler who defied all the rules; a name that I kept hearing time and again, for good and bad. For me his was an aura that had daunted many around me… my cousins, friends, everyone could be seen doing the ‘moonwalk’ and his trademark - aaauuuu! But then even If I was not a contribution to his massive sales, I have heard so much about him to quite know him about all.
And today as I hold the newspaper with news of his shocking death, I feel guilty and heartbroken. Guilty, ya guilt - to have not given him his due in his life, to have missed an opportunity to live and enjoy an era with the King himself, to not have heard him a lot more. Today as I sit in front of MTv I can watch all his numbers with a liking undying and I make it a point to watch them too, to pay him all my regards, in his death. But these are just a few of my first ‘long stayed’ reactions which after days of his death have seen all upheavals. As if the report of his death was not enough, his autopsy reports now and then have been disturbing and heart rendering. Needle marks on all parts of his body are like stones of loneliness and criticism he was embraced with in life. The media has been dissecting each and every aspect of his life and death, and surprisingly it has been lot politer this time. Everyone has been focusing a lot on his comeback shows from 13th while the same people would have ripped him off for not performing if he would have failed on stage. No one seems to accept him the way he was, everyone talks of changing him to their advantage. Today I, as we all should, realize & am ashamed of the fact that the media had made controversies even over his most joyful acts of love! I don’t see anything wrong in MJ showing the new born ‘Prince’ to the world Happiness of being a father, a king with his little one. We all loved and respected the same gesture in The Lion King where Mufasa showed his cub Simba from the cliff to the herd.
It is so disturbing that me, a stranger to MJ, prays secretly night and day to have MJ alive - hale and hearty, hidden away from the world watching all the pain, the agony each of his fan is going through and the shock that the world went through, losing the very best. I wish to just once hug him and show how much everyone around loves him, even the controversial him and even the ‘not on stage for a while’ him. He was like a blessing, there with us till he was; a torch ready to spread light whenever you need; the ailing at heart aptly chosen as the immensely intense singer of “Heal of the world”.
And his story is no new. In India itself we have seen a lot of actors die similarly - lonely and in vain. It’s a due that we all forget to pay to our loved ones. It’s a lack of a real close relation that drives stars to a supernova engulfing all they achieved. It’s up to us and because of us. We killed MJ as we have been killing talent since years in states of despair. And Oh yes, here too it definitely does not matter if the person is White or Black!
It’s a moment in each day I go through; I’ll miss the name reverberating all around me. I’ll miss any opportunity to ever feel his presence around the world, I ll miss the Thriller of his comebacks. He taught me in death to love him, yes I’ll miss him for the majestic presence. Yes, It’s a moment that I proclaim to myself that...Yes, I am his fan!
